Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
