I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
