I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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