He uses pillows to masturbate.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
