I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
