my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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