Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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