I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
