Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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