her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
