She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A+ Viking dick
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