While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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