we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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