Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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