Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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