She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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