Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
