I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Its about making memories worth repressing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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