U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
