I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
