Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
