i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So squirting runs in the family.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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