How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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