HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
