I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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