woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
