I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
