Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
