um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
