people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
