my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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