and my herpes radar will keep us safe
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
