Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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