I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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