So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
