A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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