so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
