Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
