I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
