the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
