I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Randomize
