I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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