I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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