that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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