you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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