I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize