Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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