I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
