We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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