I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
