how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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