my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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