There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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