I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
