you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize