saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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