You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
