I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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