You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
