I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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