I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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