He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
