girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
