Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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