im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
