Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
