the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
