Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
