She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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