I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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