he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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