i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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