Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
