Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
