recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
