fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
