Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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