So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
