Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
