New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
