Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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